We are going to talk about “goblin brain” today.
What is “goblin brain” you ask?
Goblin brain is what I call anxiety. The little voice that says, “You aren’t very good and that’s why you have no reads outside of promos.” Or, “You’re putting yourself into financial ruin doing this.” Or, “No one really likes you. They just tolerate you because they can’t figure out how to get rid of you.”
I struggle with the last one the most.
I love my stories. I love reading them, writing them, talking about them, and most of all I love sharing them.
With all that said, I have been exceptionally busy with in-person events, and not had much time to write. When I checked my reads for August so far, I have only had two reads for the whole month. My heart sank. I also left several Kindle Vella groups recently due to drama and lack of participation on my part. I fully understand that’s part of it. However, I’m starting to feel the promos are becoming a safety blanket and I’m not pushing myself to get more readers.
Now, back to “goblin brain”. Last night, after a super successful convention for my crafting business, I was in tears because no one’s reading my stuff on their own. Then I laughed at myself because I was so upset.
I also started new medication for the pain my legs and feet. It affects my brain and so I noted the “woe is me” moment in my journal for the doc. Keeping track of things like this help to make sure I am not having the same reaction I have to valium. Valium causes me to have suicidal thoughts, so I have to be careful taking any kind of medication.
I have so much to be excited about. My books sell in person, and I’m doing so many shows this year. I also get reads when I produce content. My life is wonderful and my family is insanely supportive of my work.
The message for me is to tell the goblins to get bent. I’m going to keep pushing forward and to keep doing what I need to do so I don’t have to go back to corporate America. This includes getting my substitute teaching license. Substitute teaching allows me a little extra income to cover our bills and to choose my own schedule in line with my show/writing schedule.
I know that most of the people reading this are also authors and that they too get “goblin brain”. Ignore the goblins!
Goblin brain can also be called Imposter Syndrome. If you don’t know what Imposter Syndrome is, it’s when you doubt your own skills, talents, and accomplishments, feeling as though you’re faking it and still getting by. Everyone has it. Every single one of us. When I worked for a tech company, HR had a meeting and every single developer in the meeting raised their hand when asked if they “felt like they had no idea what they were doing and couldn’t believe they were paid to do it”.
How do you fight “goblin brain/imposter syndrome”?
You keep pushing through. Keep doing what you’re doing. Adapt where you need to, and only if you need to. Let yourself have the moment of bad feelings, then do anything productive to counter it. Even if that means going to take a shower and cry your eyes out for twenty minutes.
I have to remind myself to be kind to me. I am one person, and I am doing so many new things. It will take time and practice to get it right. If everyone was perfect out of the gate at everything they did, the world would be a boring place.
I know it’s hard, and I know it’s worth it. I just need the goblins to get on board. Maybe I should distract them with “Free Toes” (freetos)!